How To Get A Smokeshow Girlfriend
How to Get A Smokeshow Girlfriend
( 3 Minute Read )
Written by Buck, Co-Founder of ApotheosisLifestyle.com
If you’re one of those unoriginal momos, desperately trying to get a piece of that sweet nuni but don’t know what to say to girls or how to talk to a smokeshow, this one’s for you.
There comes a time in every young Bros life where he runs into, not a girl, but a grown ass woman with a Nicki Minaj booty. Cut to you standing there, looking awfully dumb, dick in hand, thinking of what to say. Perhaps you don’t have the quickest of wits or maybe you don’t have the lantern like jaw of a young Brad Pitt, not to worry, I gotchu.
Get Yo Mind Right
First things first, have a pocket full of fucks when it comes to fitness, hygiene and nice threads but when it comes to women make sure you have none to give. As soon as you give a shit, you lost homeboy. You get in your own head, guess what, you lost again ya fucking momo. Whatever comes to your mind first, roll with it. Remember, that smokeshow wants your attention, they want you to notice them. You might fuck up but eventually it gets better and you start shitting out gold, pulling the most creative shit out of your ass.
For example lets say your on your way to a job interview suited up, dressed to the nines but your early and you got an extra few minutes to kill. You spot wifey across the way and you your’e thinking you gotta say something to a girl that fine. Time to pull a page out of those corny hollywood movies you’ve been watching. Make sure your throats clear and your tone is strong yet smooth. “Excuse me, I’m on my way to an important interview. It’s gonna change my life and I have a feeling you might too. We should exchange numbers.” She’ll be flattered wish you good luck and you’ll be on your marry way. Not only will she remember you but you planted the seed. In her mind, this is crazy, out of the ordinary and she’ll think about you all day maybe tell her friends. Hit her wit a text later, grab drinks or coffee, have fun on your date and seal the fucking deal.
The You Forgot Your Card
Here’s another one for you unoriginal fucks. Lately, there’s been a rollout of debit and credit cards that have new security micro-chips embedded. Apparently, it wasn’t enough to swipe your card. Now, Every transaction you have to insert your card and leave it in the machine, wait 15 minutes for it to read a stupid chip. Shoutout to the nerds who came up with this idea, assholes. Anyway, your girl is the cashier, she’s cute as fuck. Smile at her, maybe throw in a compliment, add a little light and witty banter. When she asks you to insert your card, do it but the key is to leave it in the machine. She’ll hand you a bag and your receipt, smile say thanks, walk out. 9 times out of 10 she’ll notice you left your card in the machine, she’ll come sprinting out of that store like a bat out of hell. She’ll smile, give you your card say you left it. “Holy shit, your’e a life saver. Hey listen, I have this weird feeling that maybe this was meant to happen and this is the part where I ask for your number, we grab coffee and enjoy each others company.” Hand her the phone, get the digits and bounce. She doesn’t return your card, just go back and get it. If there are no customer’s tease her how she just let you walk out without your card and didn’t say anything. Ask for the number at the end.
The Thread Shop
Another one. All the hot smokeshow chicks work at clothing stores in malls. Walk into an express, more than likely she’ll approach you because it’s her job to bullshit with customers and ask if anyone needs help. Act like you have the fashion sense of a 43 year old homeless man and accept her help. The entire time she’s basically your assistant, picking out clothes for you. Start to sling out some jokes, maybe insult the models on the posters, try on some goofy shit your dad might buy, make funny faces get her laughing. Act like the two of you are on a date in the store. At the end, you checkout and if everything goes smooth ask her out. “It’s almost like we were on a date the entire time.” Smokeshow: hahaha yea it did feel like that :). “Why stop here, lets exchange numbers, you ditch that name tag and we’ll go on a real one.”
End of Crash Course
You just gotta get creative. Don’t be afraid to fuck up. If you do, hey no fucks given. There’s 3 billion women in the world, no way you fuck up with all 3 billion. If you manage to do that, just give up on pussy all together.