How to Keep In-Touch with Your Ex’s Mom

Getting a Date
// March 24, 2016
Close-up of a woman eating a hot dog

How to Keep In-Touch with Your Ex’s Mom:

 ( 3 Minute Read )

How to Keep In-Touch with Your Ex’s Mom: A Story of Faithfulness

We’ve all been in relationships, and assuming you’re not currently hiding from your wife to read this stuff, you’ve probably had a few bad ones, and you’ve probably moved on.

She was nice, but maybe not hot enough. She was hot, but maybe not smart enough. She was smart and hot, but you were horny and awesome, and needed to outsource your shipment of dick to other suppliers of pussy.

It happens, but there’s one thing you lose each time you break it off: a chance to say goodbye to a hot mom.

With your penis.

Ex's Mom

Maybe you’ve been a bro for a while, or maybe you’re just becoming one, or maybe you’re even a prepubescent bro reading this in Jr.High because your older brother is a boss and talks about us all the time (Remember, he’s cool, very cool). Whatever you are in life, remember these simple words: Most adults are lonely people. They’ve had the life sucked out of them by car payments and electric bills and dentist appointments…and if they’ve had kids, they ditched their fun friends to work their assess off to help pay college tuition, or to buy their douchey son a Ninja. The point is, when you meet a lovely mother in her late thirties, early forties, you’re meeting her at the exact moment in time when she’s realized she fucked up her entire life by having kids.

So we must cherish these mothers, in the same way the Greeks cherished Athena, goddess of squats. When you break up with their daughter– for whatever reason– moms still need closure. And to ensure this goes well for you in the near future, you’re going to have to plan ahead.

The Golden Age of MILFs

The decade between 2010 and 2020 is the golden age of moms not knowing enough about technology that it feels new and exciting, so take this into consideration during the planning phase, which starts the second you find out your current girlfriend has a hot mom. When you meet her, be EXTRA nice. Give her a hug, a LOOOONG hug. Let her feel your biceps, maybe a half chub. The key from there is to involve her in conversation as much as possible, especially when your future ex is in another room. Be as mature as possible. Talk about how smart you are, or better yet, how much your lats hurt after last night’s shredding session. If you can, let her touch any part of your sculpted brofessional frame. Later, and I mean a week from this moment, add her on Facebook.

It’s gotta be in a way like you just found her page, not a I’m your daughter’s bf and I’m going to stalk you and murder you kind of way. This can also be achieved by telling said hot mom that you saw a comment she left on one of her daughter’s photos.

Message her silly things like “Hey are you coming out with us later? ;)” or “Family game night tonight! Can’t wait! I’m gonna beat your ass! RICK D. DONT FUCK AROUND” Keep these messages going once every couple weeks, depending on how your relationship is going. Remember, you still have a girlfriend… But that’s not important.


Crush All Who Oppose You

Every time you see her mom (if she stops by your girl’s house or comes over for dinner, say something like “Damn Mrs.Whatever, you fine as hell!” Especially if her husband is within earshot. If he reacts, trump him with something witty and DESTROY HIM, but make sure you say “Just kidding” which will remove 90% of potential of your ass being kicked by a 40 year old man with ED. For this reason, it’s best just to shut him down once, and then you’ve won forever by making the man she married look like a chump, and you the golden champion. Keep complimenting her though as long as he’s not there, and even when the daughter is there. This is because she’ll always remember that and she’ll think about it more and more often. (Both the mom and the gf, which are both good things because you’re already committed to doing this in the first place).

Soon, and SHE WILL do this, and SHE WILL initiate it, your gf’s mom will share some inappropriate, semi or very sexual conversations with you about her college years… You’ll form a kind of bond like kindred spirits, especially that by now that you’ve convinced her you’re not only a mature, older mind trapped in a young body of unmatched physical strength and stamina, but you’re the badboy she’ll never get a chance with — Unless she goes for it right now — Just like you convinced that one night stand sophomore year.

Then when that fateful day comes for you to finally break up with that girl you forgot about, her mom is going to need closure. Send her a “Hey I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye” message on fb or instagram. If she responds, and if you’ve done everything I’ve told you to properly, she will, you’ll be able to swing a lunch date into the convo, and thenn— you shmang.

You have reached the end of this course.


mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, momssss :))))))

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