Make Money Online Fuckboi Tactician Style
Make Money Online Fuckboi Tactician Style
Learn how to make money online, even if your a fuckboi with zero skills. Discover new techniques that convert social media followers to paying customers.
Written by Buck, Co-Founder of ApotheosisLifestyle.com
Be An Attention Whore
If you haven’t checked out Rich D’s article on social media growth hacking be sure to give it a thorough read. It’ll change your life and by change your life I mean get yourself a whole bunch of followers/customers that only care about likes, titties and ass pics.
First things first, you need a burning desire for attention more than a Kardashian. Now I’m not saying make a sex tape but ruffle those feathers and whip out that peacock on social media. I’m talking about stuntin’. I’m talking about outrageous things that would wow your friends and disappoint your mom. Record viral videos that spread like the bubonic plague. Record word of mouth videos that spread faster than hepatitis on toilet seats. Kadduusshh, In no time you’ve got yourself a following larger than the man sitting up at the pearly gates known none other than Jesus Christ himself. I know what you’re thinking: “Whoa Whoa Whoa, pump the brakes home boy. How the fuck do I exactly get myself more followers than Christianity?”
Simple. Remember Borat? What made that film comedic gold were the reactions of normal everyday peons baffled by the absurdity that went on between Borat and the general public. If you want attention you need to have two weapons every attention whore can’t live without, shock and impulse.
Here are a few video ideas that have the potential to spread like wildfire:
- Picking up girls by reenacting corny scenes from Hollywood movies
- Making your own MTV Cribs video out of your shitty college apartment
- Flying a kite with a fat pair of tities on it
- Having your friends dress as bodyguards, follow you while you parade around town all day acting like you’re hot shit
- Going into a walmart and having snowball fights with watermelons
- Public rock paper scissor nut tap exhibition
- Play rugby with a midget as the ball on the school quad
The point is, the possibilities are endless and you don’t have to be a pro. Here’s an awkward, somewhat creepy yet funny example with over a million views:
There are infinite amount of ways to make money online. Now that you’ve built up this incredible following it’s time you make dat money. Here are some of the few ways to get started:
Get yo audience to subscribe to your videos. Subscribers build social proof, which leads to more subscribers and more views. Once you hit the g-spot of viewership, Google contacts you or vice versa and you can begin to monetize your videos through ads. Once you’re all setup, money will passively start to pour into your bank account while you continue to ménage with two incredibly hot Brazilian women you met at the club last night.
Why would you sell other peoples shit on your website for a small profit when you can push your own products for a larger one. Use Squarespace to design a website with no coding skills required, blast out links to your followers, sell t-shirts on the site all in the same day. “Wait a sec, I’m no graphic designer. I don’t know how to make dope t-shirts that everyone would buy.” I have one answer for you ralph and it’s called outsourcing. Anytime you suck at something, outsourcing. Anytime your girlfriend nags you, outsourcing. Anytime you get your ball sack caught in-between your zipper, outsourcing.
I’m going to let you in on a little 21st century business secret also known as upwork.com. For most of you who haven’t heard of this site, it helps you outsource your work by connecting you with professional freelancers that do a great job for less. Right now, I have an employee named Raj. Raj lives in Pakistan, works for $4 an hour and addresses me as L Ron Hubbard Big Shits in every email. He is one smart motherfucker, computer programmer to be exact. When it comes to virtual assistance there isn’t a thing Raj can’t do. The other day, I had him order subs from my local restaurant AND dump my girlfriend over email all at the same time. Alright so let’s talk ROI, he’s ordered me delicious food, sent emails and automates my online business so I can get back to giving your girlfriend the toe curling orgasm you never could.
So all in all, there’s so many ways you can make a living online, even if you’re just a fuck boi with no skills. Remember that being an attention whore pays off and whenever you need something done dirt-cheap, dip your balls in a bucket of outsourcing. That’s all. Over and Out.
Let us know your favorites in the comments below, and ask questions about monetizing your channel(s).
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